Dear Wise Men:
These are bad times in these parts for the institution you represent, especially in certain places where the tramontana wind blows, a wind that lately comes very loaded with republican demands. However, I am going to write you this letter which, unlike the ones you usually receive, is not to ask for gifts, but to discuss some issues related to you and your work.
Although the monarchy comes from ancestral times, you have signs of modernity. How else can it be explained that you have been working for centuries with a precarious contract of only 24 hours a year. A better example of a junk contract is not possible. I would like to know if you also use magic to survive the rest of the year with such meager income, if you receive help from some NGO, go to a soup kitchen or if simply, and out of a sense of dignity, you do not want your condition as a noble class that has fallen on hard times to be known. Few things are as Spanish as this last one, and if not, review our entire Golden Age. I fear that what seems impossible is that with your contribution to Social Security, and in these times of cuts, you are entitled to unemployment benefits.
I am sure that our sagacious and intelligent President in office was inspired by you, or by Santa Claus, to incorporate into his latest electoral program the voluntary extension of the retirement age. It is evident that with people like you the pension system would have its days numbered.
I see that you are also updating on the issue of parity and gender equality, as I have been told that in some places queens are also being incorporated into the delegation.
Perhaps, following your example, the thinking brains of consumerism have instituted Black Friday. I, just in case, would study the possibility of filing a lawsuit against them, in case there is a right to receive something for the copyright.
Faced with these signs of adaptation to the times, some reproaches must be made. The first is regarding the means of transport. Since the word camel stopped referring only to the animal, it is possible that some unconscious people confuse you and make requests that could cause problems at customs. Update yourselves by using more modern and faster means of transport and, incidentally, do not give rise to possible confusions.
And no more following the star. What happens if the night is cloudy? It would be better if you were already incorporating some of the gadgets that the GPS has incorporated. Although in your honor I have to say that you usually leave each gift in the right place.
And to those of us who misbehave, don't bring us more coal. We have a big problem with that energy because of its polluting power. It would be convenient if instead you were using alternatives such as windmills or solar panels.
I'm sorry to tell you that sometimes you are a bit cruel. What would it have cost you to give a YES from the CUP to the Molt Honorable President of the Generalitat de Catalunya in office, Artur Mas, and get his investiture. It would have made him very happy to continue with his little toy of the procés. Poor man! In recent years he has accumulated coal for the Titanic to cross the Atlantic at top speed. And why haven't you given 15 more deputies to Mr. Rajoy? With them, and the support of Ciudadanos, he would have returned to govern in the only way he knows how to do it. In the blood tests after 20D to know his ability to govern in coalition, a high degree of absolute majority cholesterol was detected, which prevented him from adapting to the politics of pacts.
Finally, I want to tell you that I have a big doubt as to whether you are real magicians. On the 7th it is common to see huge queues of people not happy with the gifts that you have been kind enough to leave them and willing to exchange them. See if you are a little more professional in that aspect. Anyway, for me you are forgiven. At your age and with so much work it is impossible to do everything well.
Postscript: Be careful, next year I will send you the letter by WhatsApp or email, because I am also a republican and I don't like to stamp royal stamps.
