Humans, with their intelligence, have managed to unravel the secrets of nature to understand it and, if possible, dominate it. Thus, they have been discovering the concatenation of events and know when it will rain, the disease we have, or how we can cure it. Using the same procedure, we are already learning when elections are approaching through the signs that clearly announce them. Let's look at some of them.
Inauguratis fever. This fever usually attacks almost all rulers some time before the elections. It consists of concentrating everything worthy of being inaugurated in this period. The aforementioned ruler procures a pair of ribbon-cutting scissors or learns to uncover tombstones, and only the performance of such acts can calm it.
Communicativis fever. This fever is perennial, but it intensifies during this period. It is also selective because it only usually appears when the fact to be communicated is considered favorable. It is curious that it never appears with the phenomenon called transparency. It complements the previous one since they are only appeased if they are carried out jointly. It consists of summoning the media to inform the public of their inaugural ability, logically seasoned with a little speech and the usual photos and statements. Since this fever is very conscientious, it cannot be cured only with inaugurations; any excuse serves to slip in how well they have done.
Palmeris and malauvis virus. This fever is accompanied by two viruses that appear when communication is done in written media. I am referring to the palmeris virus and the malauvis virus. The first praises the news with its comments, and the second criticizes them harshly. However, these viruses cannot be taken into account because they do not allow DNA testing, and you never know if they are twenty individual viruses, or one virus that, carried away by its frenzy, has performed the same act twenty times. It is also impossible to know if it is the same virus that, due to its double personality, transmutates vertiginously from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde and vice versa. They have the characteristic that they are perennial and not specific to certain times.
Impuestitis fever. It generally consists of doing the opposite of everything that has been done during the legislature. Normally, during this period, it was very necessary to raise taxes (usually due to inherited causes or causes beyond their control), but here it is that when we are already close to Damascus, they fall off the horse and realize that they have been completely wrong and that the correct thing to do was to lower them. By the way, it does not usually guarantee that if they recover from the blow, they cannot return to their old ways.
Matusalensis fever. The skilled ruler, advised by demographic studies, has realized that the easiest pool to capture votes is among older people. It is logical to think so since, in their educational stage, the previous regime conscientiously took care to purge the bad Republican teachers and replace them with provisional second lieutenants, who, although not very skilled pedagogically, knew how to give a patriotic education very focused on songs, raising arms, and cheers. Logically, there was no time to teach reflection. Therefore, in this pool, giving them a little walk, inviting them to a meal, having a little dance with them, or, at other levels, telling them that their pensions have been raised when their purchasing power has decreased, is enough.
Festivitates fever. It consists of doing all kinds of free public events: sports, music, theater, gastronomy, tributes... Unfortunately, we cannot attribute the patent for this invention to our highly intelligent politicians, since I believe the Romans registered it under the name of Panem et circenses.
Electoral campaign fever. Here we already know that the disease is real, not mere signs, and it takes on worrying overtones. This fever no longer only affects rulers but also spreads and is inoculated into the candidate species. For two or three weeks, they all dedicate themselves to embarrassing the rest of us citizens, who know that we are imperfect beings (at least I am), demonstrating to us that they know everything, that they have an answer for everything, that they do everything well, that they are the best, that they do not make mistakes, and that they are the only perfect solution to our problems. Logically, they ask us to give them our vote because they will take us to Eden. Perhaps, since absolute perfection no longer fits entirely, they dare to admit to having made a mistake in some detail, but yes, warning you that the others far surpass them. These days, the sticking of posters cannot be missed (a unique moment to demonstrate their skills in this regard), their photos of happy people, always smiling, visits to the market, kissing the child, their folksiness, or the intention to show us that they are like the rest of mortals. If you have to make a fool of yourself sometime, you do it too, because Paris is well worth a mass.
Televisivus debate fever. I'm sorry to say that I don't go that far anymore. I am aware that my time is limited, that the Grim Reaper will visit us all, and I try, as far as possible, not to consciously mistreat myself. I am good, you are bad. I am perfect. My solution will be the only true one. I will not say anything specific. I will lie... as if it doesn't seem like a very fun program to me.
I propose a gold medal with special mention for goodness, patience, or masochism to those who are capable of enduring it.
