Dear citizens, the next elections are approaching and for the first time you will have a unique opportunity in the history of Spanish democracy. After more than three decades of lies and deceptions, I am going to offer you the possibility of going to the polls to deposit the ticket of wisdom, of sanity, by voting for the first honest and honorable politician who will present himself since democratic elections have been held in this country: yours truly.
I am going to give you the opportunity to elect a politician who will fulfill 100% of his electoral program, who will never lie or betray his voters, who will strive daily to fulfill his promises. But... What is an electoral program? An electoral program is a document through which a political party or group goes to an election and commits to fulfill it if elected. At this point you know that all parties establish electoral programs and once the candidates are elected they rush to quickly forget everything written in these valuable documents. That won't happen with me! To begin with, in my party you will not have to register or be a member, no sir. I am the President and sole member of the Excellent Party for which I invite you to vote.
Being alone, I eliminate the problem of the traitorous dolphin who conspires to be boss instead of the boss. Nor will you have to pay monthly or annual fees. We will not have local committee meetings that always fall on Wednesdays, the usual Champions League day (Who would think of that!). All I ask of you, dear fellow citizens, is to vote for me on election day and then I will leave you alone for four years. Therefore, I reveal my program: I promise, once elected, to dedicate myself every day to enriching myself personally. Life is short, carpe diem, you know. I promise, once elected, to dedicate myself every day to enriching my family and friends. Because they say that one is only happy if one shares happiness. Well, that's it. I promise, once elected, to accumulate a small fortune, which will allow me to reward all those who have helped me achieve victory. Because gratitude is one of the greatest virtues that exist. I promise, once elected, to enjoy the freedom to plug in whoever I want, because my criteria is inviolable and superior and you cannot argue with that. I promise, once elected, to achieve social equality: all the rich will be equally rich and all the poor will be equally poor. Everyone happy! I promise, once elected, to establish a just sovereignty, that is, to exercise my authority as law. My mother says there is no one more just than me, and I challenge you to contradict her.
I promise, once elected, to recover the land to speculate and sell it to close friends who are dedicated to construction. The sector is difficult, and don't tell me that a hotel with a spa won't brighten the view of the peasants! And I promise, once elected, to keep democracy alive. All citizens will always have the right to complain and criticize. What's more, the people will have the right to demonstrate every Saturday and Sunday in front of my offices without asking for legal authorization and will be able to throw various objects and food on the facade of the building. I will not allow your complaints to go unanswered and I promise to send the best riot police that the government can offer so that they can spend a great afternoon full of anecdotes with the smell of tear gas. If you're lucky, you might even be on the news!
Do you have any doubts? You know you don't. Dear fellow citizens, do not miss this fantastic opportunity to elect the first politician who will fully fulfill his program. Don't risk it and avoid surprises. Vote for BERNARD GAZIELLO. I'm not even going to thank you because you know perfectly well that I'm doing you a favor.
