Three out of every four teenagers between 15 and 20 years old admit having experienced harmful affective-sexual relationships and almost half believe that violence or harm is an implicit part of a relationship, although close to 20% state that they have consented to it for fear of being left alone, according to a study in which children from the Canary Islands participated.
"I love him/her so much that I let it pass" or "it hurts us, but we endure because we love him/her/them", are phrases that are part of the study carried out by Educo and the network #LaInfanciaEnElCentro through a survey of boys and girls from different age groups (between 5 and 20 years old) and that reveals the confusion that exists between what is intimacy, affectivity, and sexuality.
Almost half of the boys and girls, especially between 5 and 8 years old, do not distinguish between intimacy and sexuality and tend to associate any affective manifestation (such as caresses or kisses) with genital or shame connotations.
The survey was conducted on 334 boys and girls from six autonomous communities: Andalusia, Castile and Leon, Catalonia, Community of Madrid, Euskadi and Canary Islands and the most surprising result is that more than half of the participants have had harmful relationships.
As age groups advance, the percentage of people who have experienced relationships that harmed them increases, being more than 75% among young people aged 15 to 20, although among those aged 12 to 14 this percentage is half.
When the reasons are analyzed, the most repeated reason is the normalization of harm (29.4%), followed by the fear of loneliness (19.3%) and the fear of rejection (14.3%).
"It hurts me more to be alone", "I prefer to endure than to be alone" or "for not being a coward" and "for feeling accepted" are some of the statements that the boys and girls have made.
And it is in the group between 9 and 11 years old where the weight of the fear of loneliness and rejection increases.
How do they interpret relationships?
As groups advance in maturity, the capacity to distinguish between the different levels of relationship (affectivity, intimacy, sexuality, and genitality) increases, but the confusion between affectivity and intimacy appears recurrently throughout the 4 age groups.
The boys and girls had to place different concepts such as: laughter, common hobbies, things that cause embarrassment, secrets, kisses, caresses, making babies and touching penis/vulva in the areas of affectivity, intimacy, sexuality, and genitality.
Among the 2,042 total classifications there was 65.5% correct answers and 34.5% errors and while concepts linked to genitality were understood by the vast majority, those linked to intimacy —everything that has to do with sharing private things about oneself, like secrets— was the one that generated the most confusion among boys and girls aged 5 to 14.
From the age of 15, what generated more doubts is the meaning of sexuality, since they did not always include words like caresses or kisses.
"If they do not differentiate well between affection, intimacy, or sexuality, they will not know where the limits are nor what they can expect from each relationship. And when something crosses the line, it is much easier for them to normalize harmful situations," warns Josep Campins, co-author of the report.
The experts from Educo emphasize the need for an affective-sexual education in all school stages, to teach that intimacy does not always equate to sexuality and that spaces of great intimacy can be shared without physical contact.
They see necessary to work in a specific way in that the gestures of affection must not cross the personal limits nor of consent.