Tanya's legs were numb with cold. They lived under the asphalt, in the subsoil where the subway passed. They were just lost children of a system that didn't know how to welcome them. Nicolás was already used to wandering the streets in search of food before returning to his particular hell.
Without pleasant memories, they lacked emotional refuges to take shelter in, not even in the evocation of better times. When life deprives us of meaningful connections, the void can become unbearable. I, fortunately, despite any adversity, always find a place to return to: the warmth of certain moments that serve as an anchor in the storm. But not all children have that privilege.
However, as John Bowlby maintained, it is always possible to build new memories. Sometimes, it is enough for someone—a teacher, any adult—to whisper to us: "I am here and I believe in you."
How important it is to treasure small drops of love inside us, because in times of aridity they will be the ones that flood us with freshness and help us to continue.
It is easy to pass judgment when the circumstances are unknown. Perhaps, when seeing Nicolás and Tanya emerge from a tunnel at the mouth of the subway, someone would think with disdain: "What dirty children," turning away from their path. But they were there because life left them alone. And, without alternatives, they chose to flee.
Continuing with Bowlby's attachment theory: "Trust in the attachment figure is the basis of a stable and secure personality."
Emotional bonds are the cornerstone of emotional stability. When these fail, the psyche suffers. In particular, avoidant attachment arises when caregivers, absent or emotionally inaccessible, do not respond to the child's needs. Faced with repeated frustration, the child learns to deactivate their need for attachment, convinced that emotional self-sufficiency is preferable to recurring disappointment. It is always comforting to have a home to return to, a space to find shelter after life's onslaughts.
Nicolás, Olia, Tanya, and many others grew up stripped of their souls, exposed to the world in their absolute nakedness. Their orphanhood was not only physical but also emotional. They lacked the most essential thing: parents who would protect them from danger, a reference point to guide them.
Mary Ainsworth emphasized the importance of quality, rather than quantity, in the care received by children. She concluded that maternal sensitivity to the signals of their children is crucial for the development of a secure attachment.
For decades, the mantra has been repeated: Don't hold the child in your arms, they'll get used to it. Let them cry. However, evidence shows that not attending to infant crying is not only a mistake but also erodes trust in the other.
Children with secure attachment openly express their need for comfort after separating from their mother and, upon reuniting, show relief. They trust that she will always be there. The mother, in turn, knows how to interpret her child's non-verbal cues and responds with empathy, establishing a silent but profound dialogue.
In contrast, children with insecure attachment fail to express their distress. Although their pulse accelerates and cortisol levels spike after separation, their behavior does not reflect that anxiety. They have learned that they cannot trust in the constancy of maternal affection. Upon reuniting with her, they express neither their need for relief nor their desire for proximity, feigning indifference to affection. These traces do not disappear in adulthood.
—Hey, Nicolás, what would you ask of someone who arrived here now? —Anastasia asked. Nicolás stood up and replied:—I just want to be loved.
The fate of these children is not only the result of their family circumstances but also the reflection of a society that, in its eagerness to revere progress, forgets to help those in need. Charity is confused with leisure, ethics are relegated, and feelings are stripped of the decisive weight they should have in life.
For personal reasons, I have studied attachment theories in depth. The impression left on me by a documentary about the children of the Moscow subway still resonates in my mind. The image of those little ones, helpless in the darkness of the tunnels, continues to haunt me. And I continue to learn, as I have closely known a child who, without words, cried out to be loved. As parents, we must change the if you misbehave, I'll leave you alone for let's talk and find solutions. Giving them confidence is vital, so they can explore the world, but know that we are there.
It is a relief to have a home to return to; even if life hits us mercilessly, even if we don't always achieve what we long for, there is an immeasurable value in the shelter of good memories. But Nicolás, Olia, Tanya, and so many others never had that certainty. In their world, love was an unattainable luxury.
I believe that the greatest luxury in life is not abundance, but having the certainty of having been loved. The soul of a child without attachment, in childhood, is like a puzzle where the pieces of love are missing, and the connection that will help them to be the complete puzzle when they are an adult.
I want to make a contribution to what Juani has written.
"The desire to have loved ones by your side, and a place to feel protected, was the dream of those children. However, that was not granted to them due to their tragic and melancholic situations, their lives were marked by sadness and loneliness, preventing them from having what any child has in a true family relationship.
The sensations we felt as children; the embrace of our parents, the nostalgic breeze of the air every time they invited us to take a walk, the friends we made on our paths of life and happiness... All those memories were unable to be generated in their brains, because they were alone, as if they lived among dark clouds that did not let them smile.
The children of that icy center ended up being forgotten memories of their parents, and they could not avoid the sad act of observing it with their photographic memory every time they questioned why they were there in the first place.”
Juani Alemán Hernández and Felipe Solís Valencia.