by MARTINO
There is no trick or treat. It makes no sense. It is the day of the saints, the less saintly, and the deceased. On several occasions, I have stated shamelessly that this funny country is not worth leaving. A country that has a great banker named BOTÍN, as you can see so inappropriate, a football referee named FALLIDO, and a good and immaculate brand paper GUARRO, that retains a lot.
Now I retract. I rectify. I am willing to leave the country kicking ass, well, waiting for Catalonia to be a nation to exile there and get blind with TARRADELLAS paté and tumaca bread. My command of the language is not enough to venture further. I tell you as I feel it, one has survived many stupid things, but the issue of HALLOWEEN overwhelms me.
I have consulted with experts in anthropology and sociology, I even asked a neighbor I don't talk to who travels a lot, the fact is that they have not been able to answer the reason why Spaniards have that ancestral mania for copying Americans, let's go of Americanizing ourselves that gives feeling.
One night of parcharanes, coffee and reflection, the answer came to me in the form of a question, pardon the paradox: What if the Americans threw a stupid potion in that powdered milk and that yellow cheese they gave us at school, in the fifties and sixties, under the MARSHALL PLAN? There is the question for the CSI to solve, if they can. No, damn it, sorry, those are also Americans and they are not going to be objective.
Why has the celebration of HALLOWEEN crept into our lives lately if we have a president who doesn't get along with BUSH? We are not going to blame AZNAR or EL CORTE INGLÉS, as always, but I don't think that Americans, those lanky and childish guys who can buy a gun before a comb, are ever going to adopt our customs.
I don't see, I really don't see New Yorkers making sweet potato trout for Christmas or singing "But look how the fish dance in the river..." I can't imagine for a moment the citizens of Chicago throwing goats from the bell tower of a church or making queimadas, the influence of HEMINGWAY does not reach that point, I think.
Since we are so prone to take foreign customs as our own, a symptom of openness, let's go on Japanese-style strikes working twice as hard, let's have English phlegm instead of getting heated in the first traffic jam, let our children and young people play football like Brazilians or master mathematics like the Chinese, let's drink like the Cossacks. No, that's not it, that goes against health and there is only one liver.
I say it as I feel it, I hate HALLOWEEN, I can't stand that a moscoso, who is also called PEPITO GARCÍA, for example, instead of LEWIS WALLACE, knocks on my door with a piece of shit mask from CARREFUR, I don't go through that. Which does not mean that, on the night of the dead, I do not empty a pumpkin and place a lit candle for my granddaughter. We already did that in the fifties, even before sucking that American powdered milk or that the Americans above gave it to us with cheese.