After a night of laughter and affection last week, the guy I was dating disappeared without a trace, blocking any possibility of communication. I like to write poetry. This person had asked me to write about him and our story together. I have decided to do it with this article, to use the pain creatively.
Today they call it "ghosting", suddenly disappearing from the life of someone with whom you have a relationship. Whoever suffers it experiences a kind of mourning, must process it and live with a wound that affects all their daily activities for a while. It's atrocious.
I once read a phrase: "We must leave footprints, not scars." I liked it a lot, because it is true that we are what we leave in the lives of others. We have the honor and responsibility to make a difference in the existence of those we meet. After all, it is we, as human beings, who give value and meaning to time, places, aromas, songs, life itself. A simple bench can preserve the memory of a first kiss, a marriage proposal, or carefree laughter with friends. The bench is anonymous, but our presence makes it magical. The opposite also happens: the most beautiful place in the world loses some of its splendor if we are sad or alone, because sharing beauty with those we love is what creates true wonder.
We live in an increasingly ruthless and cold society, because we are distant from our emotions. The main, and utopian, goal seems to have become never feeling pain. The consequence of these attempts to escape what we feel actually aggravates situations of anxiety, anguish, sadness, depression, and loneliness. Above all, the frustration of not being able to repress emotions, but also not recognizing and experiencing them in a functional way, leads to an alarming and dangerous increase in violence, not only physical, but also emotional and psychological. All types of violence have profound consequences on the lives of those who suffer it.
We are human beings made of relationships, and the most important of all is the one we have with ourselves. If we cannot connect with what we are, if we avoid knowing ourselves for fear of suffering, what kind of society can we build? What future awaits us?
We pray for peace in the world and then hurt those close to us. No peace can be born if we carry war in our hearts. We must start with ourselves and our relationships, finding balance through awareness, courage, and responsibility.
Today it is fashionable to talk about narcissism. Well, Narcissus avoided relationships because he did not want to know himself, since he had been prophesied that he would die if he did. We can only know ourselves through the other; we cannot really exist if we remain alone. The fear of suffering is creating a world of loneliness and torment, precisely what we are trying to avoid.
The solution is not to run away from pain, but to accept that sorrows are inevitable. Pain has its usefulness, but only if it is recognized and traversed with responsibility. Emotional isolation is a death sentence for everyone.
In this scenario, the only real solution is the relationships themselves; we, human beings, are the poison and the cure.
The Internet bombards us with motivational phrases that encourage us to become "immune" to the other. While it is true that our happiness depends on ourselves, it is also true that the beauty and richness of life lie in our relationships. We cannot do without them. Virtue is always in balance: in the awareness that the other has a value in our life, but a value that adds to what we already are. And we can be aware of our own value through attention to the other, accepting the power we have to influence, to a greater or lesser extent, the lives of those around us.
The invitation is to start living by practicing the principle "your life, my life." Narcissus was not afraid of dying, he was afraid of truly living. And we only truly live in the encounter with the other.
This brief writing is to honor a relationship that left me with a significant scar. These are not words of hatred, but of understanding, because no matter how the other acts, we are what we do, even when a wound tears our heart apart. Because if it is true that the other "opens us up", it is also true that what comes out of the wound belongs only to us.
Let us remember our power and learn to leave footprints, not scars.
Thank you, Mr. Ghosting.