Dear Deputies:
I am writing to ask for your forgiveness for voting badly. Moreover, I appeal to your great magnanimity, and I beg you to forgive me a second time, since I have been a repeat offender. I confess that I did not grasp the message you sent me with the repetition of elections and that I chose the same thing. In my defense, I can argue that I was educated in educational systems not very conducive to thought and reflection. Problem already solved with the LOMCE, whose benefits I will never tire of praising. So much so, that when I retired from teaching when it began its journey, I requested my reinstatement, which unfortunately was not accepted.
Mr. Mariano Rajoy: I especially ask you for forgiveness for having changed your pace when you were already so well accustomed to the absolute majority, whose government you executed with extraordinary skill. At your age, recycling is not easy, and it is a reason that should have weighed on my vote. I observe its pernicious effects even in his masterful phrases, worthy of being sculpted in imperishable materials, as if it were a second Paulo Coelho. His "Spain is full of Spaniards" may not have been as meditated as other previous jewels. I assure you that in London there are more Spaniards than in Mallorca.
On the other hand, I believe that his very laborious work today, as a collateral effect, prevents him from attending Rio. Unfortunately, this fact deprives us of one more gold medal, since his unsurpassed preparation in the walking modality is known to all.
Mr. Pedro Sánchez: Forgive me if I tell you that you are somewhat disobedient. How can you not listen to the voice of experience of your party? How do you not follow the sublime sermons that Mr. Corcuera sends you from the pulpit of television? And how do you not pay attention to what the illustrious "Isidoro" of the underground manifests one day and another? What a pity that with the passage of time the first four letters of his war name have been erased!
Mr. Albert Rivera: Your youth does make you aware of the times and I already see that your adaptation process is advancing by leaps and bounds. You do listen to your bosses and quickly learn the Spanish proverb, especially the one where I said I say now I say diego.
Mr. Pablo Iglesias: I am sorry that I have not granted you the rocket that you expected to reach the sky. Not even on the second occasion, where it seems he was going to have more gasoline. You will have to get used to using the forklift or, failing that, climbing the stairs step by step. Don't complain, because maybe this new way will take away a ballast that maybe wasn't good company.
I do not want to finish my letter without giving recommendations in case new elections have to be held. I propose two novel systems so that once and for all they give the desired result.
The first would consist of carrying out election simulations until the desired result is finally achieved. Once this is obtained, the official representation would be made with great luxury of details.
The second would consist of you yourselves sending each voter the vote already decided. We would appreciate it very much because this would save us a difficult job, since, to tell the truth, it is difficult to know what to do to get it right.
Sorry, now I get it. The second system is impossible, since you would first have to agree to decide which ballot to send us.